Father Figure
by Rock Mama
Summary: Life settles back into the dull norm in Karakura after Aizen loses the War. That is, until a familiar face shows up to collect Orihime, because a child needs its mother. Orihime/Ulquiorra/Starrk/Grimmjow/Szayel/Nnoitra. Some OoCness.
1. Chapter 1

They looked through what could nominally be called the nursery window at what a few had heard in the living World should be termed a bundle of joy.

Conversely, a bouncing baby, the new addition, the pitter-patter of little feet.

Ulquiorra preferred the term great ball of hate, leading him to think Grimmjow was the father.

Grimmjow was of the mind it was Ulquiorra's offspring, given the unusually soulful expression sometimes found on the child's face.

Starrk hadn't seen past the bubbly cherubic face the child turned on him -- when it wasn't taking its inordinately long naps. And indeed, the baby did not bounce. At least, not for long, and not very well. Fortunately, it was a resilient child and hadn't managed enough words yet to tattle on him.

But given the young child's penchant for inflicting pain, worry, and not a little trepidation as to their own senses, the consensus was that Aizen had found a way to stick his fingers in yet another pie, and the child's innocuous looks that concealed a devious will had to be spawned from the ruler himself.

Hands and faces were pressed to the nursery window as they three stared at the baby swaddled in soft blankets in its crib.

"Nigh on to nine months," Starrk said, sighing. "It's outgrown its need for an infant crib. Got to move it up to something bigger. One of those pens with no gate. Don't want the damn thing getting loose."

Ulquiorra gave him his best stoic look. "I think you're trying to refer to a playpen."

Starrk nodded. "Maybe that's it. Get it out from under Szayel's influence."

As if on queue, they three looked to where a pink aproned Szayel pranced through the nursery door with a flourish and smiled gibberishly at the sleeping child.

Grimmjow growled down a curse. "The sooner the better. Szayel's a bad influence. Not a father figure."

"Mother figure," Starrk said with a nod.

"More likely," Ulquiorra said, green eyes glued to the scene in the nursery.

They'd seen no sign of a mask coming yet, and they'd looked in all the pertinent, highly visible spots. No one had checked all the spots. The child's built-in defense system had kept the Espadas at bay when it came to diaper changing. Losing at Rock, Paper, Scissors had never been taken so seriously before in Hueco Mundo.

Under the bright lights, Szayel gave them a glib smile and a wave, then cast his eyes downward to the sleeping child.

As if feeling the very grating weight of the pink-haired attendant, the child awoke, opened its eyes and pegged an already-irritated look at the scientist. Its chubby face bloomed as pink-red as its fire-orange hair.

Out its small mouth came an ear-piercing wail of about four hundred decibels that threatened to split the two-inch thick pane of glass window.

All three Espada took a step back.

While they'd all been arguing, boasting and making the most of the child's looks to claim paternity issues, none of them wanted to be alone with it for over a few minutes.

It was learning to bite.


	2. Chapter 2

Szayel hadn't been as much help as he could have been, and the four Espada knew it. They were quite sure the effeminate scientist had the knowledge to generate, clone, sprout or otherwise modify a great many things into existence, but the smirking Arrancar hadn't owned up to his methods.

And that led Ulquiorra, Grimmjow, and Starrk -- and Nnoitra, when he wasn't as terrified of the small creature -- into postulating that the small child must have been gained by less scientific methods. Methods more along the lines of those Nature had intended and not some slop put together by the Hyokugo.

They four agreed she should come back and take her turn at raising the child, or failing that, at least give someone some pointers on caring for it. No one wanted an orange-haired knockoff of Szayel on the premises.

They'd already had their futile tea with Aizen in the small meeting room passing for the large meeting room since the Great Lost Cause had been made official against the Shinigami. Now the remaining and reconstructed Espada met with Aizen in the smaller meeting room for tea.

Only Aizen drank the stuff, the rest of them simply looked at the steaming beverage until it cooled and became completely uninteresting.

Now they four sat in the anteroom in a little used corridor of Las Noches. Starrk shrugged, draped over an over-stuffed chair as the other three debated their strong points.

"I should go," Starrk said, gesturing a hand to the child sitting beside Szayel in another chair, who was minus his pink apron but still managing to look prissy. "You had your chance bringing her back last time," he said to Ulquiorra who was sitting with Grimmjow at the opposite end on another couch. "You'd just scare her," he said to Grimmjow, and then turned to Nnoitra, who was sitting as far away from the child as possible on an ottoman. "You're too scared to be any good. And she's got my eyes, so I'm the natural choice," Starrk added, smiling widely at the baby girl who was slobbering a drool of teething juice down her chin. "Don'tcha, honey?"

The child smiled glibly back at him, pulling at her toes with her fingers.

"How much of this is about sex with Pet-chan and how much about being that thing's sire?" Nnoitra asked, chuckling to himself at the thoughts surrounding his proposal until the child looked his way.

She took a long moment turning onto her tummy and slid off the chair and onto the floor, her pink and orange one-piece jersey romper trimmed in yellow ruffles at her legs allowing full movement as she set off at a crawl to the ottoman.

Nnoitra's mouth snapped shut and he inched farther back onto the ottoman at the girl's progress across the floor.

"She's clever and fearless," Grimmjow grumbled, watching the girl's bottom make a switch-swatch across the floor in pursuit of the ottoman. "Just the other day I saw her strangling one of those toy animals of hers. A bear," he added with a grin. "She's not afraid of anything."

"That could also mean she's of low intelligence," Ulquiorra said, a hint of smile coming to his face as the child's progress to the ottoman was matched by the horror slipping over Nnoitra's face. "Smart creatures have at least some natural fear of danger. It ensures livelihood."

"Not if they're king of the beasts," Grimmjow snapped at him.

"Besides, I spent the most time with the woman," Ulquiorra reminded.

"Not much _quality_ time," Grimmjow said, chuckling as the child put one small hand on the ottoman side. "Orihime-chan was very grateful to me for saving her from Menoli and Loli."

Nnoitra pulled his feet onto the ottoman and scooted to the far side as the child put a second hand on the upholstered stool and made a few grunts, heaving herself up to peek over the side. She bounced on her chubby knees, one finger pointing at him as she drooled, eyes smiling at his discomfort. "I'll admit I had her, but this thing," Nnoitra said, daring to point back at the child, "is not mine."

"No, your DNA could never render anything so innocent and adorable," Starrk said, grinning at the child as she looked to him.

"She's clearly mine," Grimmjow said.

Everyone waited for him to make his argument as to why or how. Grimmjow frowned at the them. "Prove otherwise. Anyone?"

"She's got my eyes," Starrk said, smiling at the girl. "Don'tcha?"

She smiled back at him.

"The woman had brown eyes, too," Ulquiorra said. "That doesn't mean anything. The statistics favor brown-eyed parents, don't they?"

He'd looked at Szayel as he said it, but the scientist was waving back at the child and didn't notice.

"Szayel-san," Ulquiorra muttered.

"Oh, yes, very dominant," Szayel said quickly.

Nnoitra was nearly off the ottoman now, crouched to one edge of it. The child was bracing her feet underneath herself to attempt standing.

Grimmjow leaned forward on the couch, ready to spot the wobbly legs at the girl's effort at standing.

"Get it away from me," Nnoitra said, all humor dropping from his face.

The child patted the top of the ottoman with her small hand, showing him a gum-lined smile.

"Maybe you look like a giant spoon to her," Grimmjow said, reaching out to snag girl's romper shorts. "Maybe she's hungry."

"She can't be hungry," Szayel said, the proud smile turning to affront on his face. "She just ate. A lot. One of each kind of jar of food, in fact."

"Doesn't mean she's not hungry," Grimmjow said, reaching a few inches farther as the child leaned as far onto the ottoman as she could, her outstretched fingers waving at Nnoitra's white coat.

"She's probably hungry," Ulquiorra decided. "Even if she did just eat. The woman could eat a lot."

"Come here, sweetheart," Starrk said, smiling and waving a few fingers at the child.

She turned, evading Grimmjow's hand, and dropped onto all fours to crawl to the chair where Starrk sat.

Grimmjow gave her a sour look of disappointment.

Starrk smiled at him triumphantly.

"I'm clearly the best in the sack," Grimmjow said, claiming his consolation prize at having failed in enticing the child to him. "Sexual expertise is my forte, and if anyone could produce a child with Orihime-chan, it's me."

"I've had more women than all of you put together," Nnoitra said, carefully settling back into a sitting position on the ottoman as the child reached Starrk's chair.

"Yeah, but how many women came back for more?" Grimmjow asked, a glint in his eyes.

Nnoitra's eyes narrowed. "Of their own free will?"

Ulquiorra shook his head. "None of you had the time with her I did."

"Time isn't the same as opportunity," Starrk said as Grimmjow opened his mouth to say the same thing. He turned to Szayel. "Can't you just run some paternity tests on her?"

"On the child?" Szayel clarified.

"Of course _on_ _the child_," Starrk said, looking down as the girl fumbled her mauling climb into his lap.

"Well, that's not really what my laboratory is set up for, but I suppose so."

"It's not mine," Nnoitra volunteered. "Yeah, I got in good with Pet-chan, but that ain't my work," he said, pointing at the child who'd made it into Starrk's lap and was making itself comfortable.

Ulquiorra turned a simmering look of infuriation on Nnoitra. "You had sexual relations with Orihime-chan?"

"Oh, now she's _Orihime-chan_," Grimmjow said with a sneer. "When it comes to sex, it's _Orihime_, huh?"

"Hey, not so loud in front of the child," Starrk said, covering the girl's ears with his hands. "No sex talk and no swearing," he added, sending Grimmjow a pointed look.

Grimmjow bit back a few words and turned his attention on Nnoitra. "You're telling us you had carnal relations with Orihime-chan but it's not your child?"

"Yes," Nnoitra said, grinning, warming to the topic.

"You did?" Ulquiorra asked, eyes inordinately large.

"No," Nnoitra said, grin drooping.

"How can you say you didn't when you just said you did?" Ulquiorra asked, scowl increasing.

Nnoitra shrugged, which made the child look his way and giggle. "I lied."

Ulquiorra sighed in relief.

"Well, someone slept with the woman," Grimmjow said, watching the girl curl into the crook of Starrk's arm as he sat back in the chair.

"I say someone should bring Orihime-chan back and let her tell us. Or at least tell us what to do with her," Starrk said, sighing as the child snuggled its head against his chest. She blinked at each of them in turn, smiling widest when she looked at Nnoitra.

It wasn't a cute smile, Grimmjow decided. More of a promissory threatening smile -- the kind he liked to give people.

He grinned. "She's mine, all right."

"You're not going," Ulquiorra said pointedly.

Grimmjow gave him an irritated look. "Why not?"

"Starrk's right. You'll just scare her off."

The child's eyes began to close, slowly, its mouth dropping open in a cute 'o' as it nodded drowsily.

Szayel waved his hands for them to quiet. "Let's hear your best line, Grimmjow. What would you say to Inoue-chan to get her to come back for a while?"

Grimmjow shrugged. "You're coming with me."

Szayel shook his head, waving a hand by a dainty wrist at him. "No good. Too dry." He looked to Ulquiorra. "How about you?"

Ulquiorra glanced askance to Grimmjow, and then cleared his throat. "Come with me, woman."

"Yeah, that worked last time," Nnoitra said. He got to his feet, but then froze unmoving as the child's half closed eyes zipped open to him. She watched him for a few seconds, and then the lids began to droop again.

"What about you, Mr. Romantic?" Grimmjow challenged. "Oh, sorry, maybe that _Ms. Romantic_."

The sarcasm slid past Szayel. "Well, I'd certainly bring the woman something, like --"

"Yeah, I got _something_ for her," Nnoitra said with a chuckle, winking slyly until the child hiccupped in her sleep. He eased away from the ottoman to head to the door. "I don't want nothing to do with it," he said hushedly, pointing to the child. "You all do what you want, but leave me outta fathering that thing. I've done my part."

Ulquiorra's eyes narrowed on him as he slipped out the door. "So, did he have relations with Orihime-chan or not?" he asked, lowering his tone as the girl moved on Starrk's lap.

"No," Grimmjow and Starrk said in unison.

"Good."

Szayel looked between them. "It could be the shinigami boy's work, you know," he said with an amused giggle, enjoying the threatening looks Grimmjow and Ulquiorra gave him. "Brown eyes, orange hair. Enormous spiritual power potential."

Starrk smiled. "Oh? You think she could bend spoons with her mind?"

Grimmjow laughed. "Maybe that's why Nnoitra's scared of her."

Ulquiorra frowned deeper. "I should go bring Orihime-chan back. We have an understanding."

"I'll go," Starrk said, carefully standing up and taking a moment to make the child comfortable in his arms. She slept on, sagging against him closer.

"What are you going to say to her to get her to willingly come back here?" Grimmjow wanted to know.

Starrk smiled down at the child, stepping quietly to Szayel, who stood, both arms waiting for the girl.

"I'll think of something."

Ulquiorra and Grimmjow were both shaking their heads, but for different reasons.

"Well, someone has to go," Starrk said.

They all nodded in agreement.

* * *

**Take the Poll: **Who's the best father figure?


	3. Chapter 3

Orihime had tried to put much of her time in Hueco Mundo out of her mind, far out of her memories, hoping to never be able to call up anything until the moments that Ichigo and her shinigami friends had successfully invaded Aizen's domain.

She managed it most of the time, sometimes thoughts of Ulquiorra's sad passing making her pause, but her attempts to move on with her future usually kept her mind off those dark times in Las Noches.

As successful as she was at distancing those dangerous times, she _did_ know what _hadn't_ happened there. A good many things. Many, many things.

School was out for a week-long break that spring, a time she meant to spend with Tatsuki and her friends, a time for catching up on all the new noodle shops that had opened on the west side of town. No classes, and lots of new warm weather to enjoy.

But the uneasy feeling she had as she started down the sidewalk to map her itinerary of noodle shops for the week ahead turned into a familiar presence, and she stopped walking among the crowded street side. Slowly she turned, the utter surprise at seeing the Fourth Espada standing close behind giving her an emotional jolt.

"Ulquiorra-san?" She blinked in surprise, words failing her as several ideas tried to form at the same time into sentences. "But you're ...Everyone is ...Is it really you?"

He nodded, unable to help the hint of grin that crossed his face. "You need to come back with me."

Horror eclipsed her surprise, and Orihime shook her head, backing up until her foot hit the sidewalk curb around a decorative tree.

Ulquiorra frowned. "Not to stay, unless you wanted to," he said, the idea pleasant as he thought more about it. "Just for a few days. We need your advice." He stood straighter. "It's very important."

"Oh, I, uh, I don't ..." She looked around at the milling crowd of people on the sidewalk that couldn't see the Espada before her. "I'm not sure ..."

"Here."

He shoved a worn paperback book at her. He was glad he'd remembered Starrk's advice to bring Orihime something. It was a gallant gesture; he just wished Starrk had been more detailed in what to bring.

She took it, frowning as her hands turned it to see the back cover. She looked slowly up at Ulquiorra, confusion clouding her face. "You want me to have this?"

"Yes. A gift." He nodded, watching her expression soften from her former fear at seeing him. "Spock-sama is the final word in child-rearing. I don't understand it myself," he admitted with rare candor. "But you should. It should be natural to you."

Orihime frowned and looked at the book again, reading the title and back jacket carefully. "I don't understand."

He looked to her hair now pulled back in a peach colored sash, her school uniform gone to be replaced by a pink skirt with tiny yellow flowers and a modest mild yellow blouse edged with lilac ribbon at the collar.

"Come back with me, Orihime-chan," he said, trying out her name. He liked the sound of it, and the timid smile it brought to her face. "You don't have to stay very long."

Orihime bit her lip nervously, her relief at seeing her former captor-protector undead as any Arrancar could be and standing before her. "I can come back home in a few days?"

He nodded.

* * *

Grimmjow passed the open door of the semi-secluded anteroom near the nursery. It was the same scene inside at the chair as it had been for hours. Starrk was sprawled on the piece of furniture, the small child slumped in his lap at his side, drooling and sleeping, gurgling in time to Starrk's snoring.

Grimmjow growled, mostly at Starrk. They'd divided up the days into somewhat equal shares among them -- except for Nnoitra, who wanted nothing to do with the child until Orihime was present -- and alone-time was getting easier to manage with the small girl. The Prima was sleeping away most of Grimmjow's quality ingratiating time and he needed it.

How long could a child sleep? Certainly not as long as the Prima Espada, Grimmjow figured.

He cleared his throat, scowling as he realized it sounded more like a rattling purr. Not what he'd wanted, but the girl opened her eyes and zeroed in on his location at the doorway, so it was still effective. He grinned one of his less lethal smiles at her. She gave him a bubbly one in return.

Her small hand clutched Starrk's shirt as she pulled herself from the sunken confines of the crook of his arm at his side, her small grunts accompanied by the determined flush of her pink face as she bumbled over Starrk's legs.

Grimmjow knelt, grinning more as she gave him a gummy smile broken by a few white bumps. "Holy cow," he mumbled, remembering his language, "is that a tooth poking through?"

The child's knees found a foothold in Starrk's more tender spots on his lap, bringing a muted yelp from him as she rappelled down his pant leg.

Grimmjow hurriedly waved her over in his direction as Starrk awoke.

His eyes opened, one hand clamping over the auburn curls as her head disappeared over the side of the chair. "Where you going, honey?"

She burbled something incoherent, as nearly everything was, and turned to drop to all fours and looked at Grimmjow still beckoning her over to him.

Her smile increased as she crawled rapidly for the door, bringing a bigger grin from Grimmjow.

"Hey, I'm not done with her yet," Starrk said, leaning down to reach for the girl.

"She's bored with you," Grimmjow said, standing and stepping into the room. It was the common ground for _baby-time_, and the unwritten rule was whoever had their time had the room, but as far as Grimmjow was concerned, Starrk's baby-time had been up two naps ago, and he had business with the child.

He looked down as the girl reached him and extended his arms down to her. She stopped, sat back on her knees, and reached up to him.

With a triumphant smile that would have made most babies cry -- with good reason -- Grimmjow scooped her up and took her to the couch. He sat down and got comfortable, realizing it was more awkward than he expected positioning the girl on his lap without getting kneed where it mattered most.

She squirmed into her own idea of comfortable, looking up at him. At his mask, he noticed.

"Ulquiorra back yet?" Starrk wanted to know, yawning.

"No." Grimmjow gave the girl a sharp look as she slapped a small hand on his bone mask. She giggled and smacked it again.

"Give him a good wallop, darling," Starrk said.

Grimmjow shot him a look, and then smiled at the girl. "Listen up," he said. "You've got --"

"That's not how you talk to a child, Grimmjow," Stark said, shaking his head. "_Listen up_? Think about it. Ba-by."

Grimmjow frowned at him, and then at the girl. She frowned back, face turning pinker until he knew a storm was sure to follow. He was far too close for her to let loose a wail, so he quickly grinned.

"Say Okaasan," he said to her. "O-kaa-san."

She made a round 'o' with her mouth, but no sound came out.

"_O-kaa-san_," Grimmjow said slowly. "Say it -- Hey, what're we going to name her?" he asked Starrk. "Shouldn't she have a name by now?"

"Parents name children." Starrk slouched further down into the chair, considering another nap. "We haven't got that far yet."

Grimmjow growled down a few inappropriate words, and then looked back to the girl as she made a low humming sound in response. He grinned, bringing a smile from her. She hummed louder, eyes on his mouth until he allowed a small growl.

She giggled and clapped, then held her chin closer to him, eyes dancing with misplaced merriment, and hummed louder.

"Great, you taught her how to hum," Starkk said dryly. "Real parenting skills you got there, Sexta."

Grimmjow's growl got louder at Starrk, matched by the girl's higher hum. She giggled and clapped awkwardly.

Grimmjow moved his arm around her so she dropped against his chest. "Now," he said, the fun with growling all used up, "say O-kaa-san, kitten girl."

Starrk sat up straighter. "Hey, don't tell her that. She's not a kitten, dammit."

"Language," Grimmjow snapped at him. He looked back to the child and smiled. "You'd rather be a kitten than a mutty old puppy any time, wouldn't you?"

She blinked a few times in response, fingers pulling on the edges of her kiwi green romper shorts.

"What's wrong with puppies?" Starrk asked, rubbing the back of his neck, watching the girl on Grimmjow's lap. "Babies love puppies."

Grimmjow ignored him and gave the child another semi-leering smile. "O-kaa-san. You can do it, _kitten_. O-kaa-san."

"It's too hard for her to say yet," Starrk said. "You've got to start with something easy. She's still getting her first teeth."

"She doesn't need teeth to talk," Grimmjow grumbled. He smiled a more livid grin. "Okay, we'll try something else." He leaned closer to the girl, who didn't pull away. "Say O-tou-san."

Starrk was on his feet now. "Absolutely not, Grimmjow. That's cheating."

Grimmjow chuckled. "You said Okaasan was too hard, so why not learn to call for _daddy_?"

"We all agreed Orihime-chan would teach the kid to call the _father_ daddy. Remember that?"

Grimmjow did remember; he just liked to forget that part. He sighed, this time omitting the growl, and looked back to the girl. "Say O-kaa-san."

"Yeah, teach her to keep mama at a distance, Grimmjow. Nice going. Besides, it's still my time with her," Starrk said, resuming his seat, watching the child make 'o's with her mouth, her eyes lingering on Grimmjow's fierce smile which should have frightened her into filling her diaper.

"You had her for three hours," Grimmjow said. "My time now."

"Nap time doesn't count."

"It should."

The bickering continued, neither winning nor budging, tiptoeing around words that usually colored their language, frustrations brewing as neither made ground.

The girl resorted to imitating Grimmjow's face, arching her reddish eyebrows, eyes widening and then squinting, depending on her interpretation of his moods, pointing at Starrk when Grimmjow did.

She became bored after a few moments of pantomiming and decided to get a better look at Grimmjow's mask that hovered over her head.

He looked down as small tight fingers pinched a handful of his white jacket and clawed her way to standing on his leg, tiny feet dangerously close to where he kept his manly goods.

"Hey, watch what you're doing, kitten," he said as she stood on her toes to reach a hand to his mask, fingers curling over the edge.

Her round eyes focused on the teeth inches away from her face, breathing milk breath on him as he looked back at her.

"Watch out, honey, it'll bite you," Starrk said, chuckling.

"Don't tell her that," Grimmjow grumbled, eyes on the girl who was studying the bone fragment. He slid a look at Starrk, who appeared to bit miffed at the girl's attention being elsewhere. "Orihime would never give you any affection, you relic. You're too old."

"Hmph," Starrk said, eyes narrowing on the Sexta. "Maybe she prefers a gentleman who knows what he's doing rather than you young punks."

The girl's fingers had anchored at the mask top, her eyes going to Grimmjow's mouth as he spoke.

"You never had time with her," Grimmjow said, words distorted as the child's fingers pulled at his cheek, moving to his mouth. He glanced down as she looked to him. "Uncle Starrk's just jealous, isn't he?"

"Hey, it's not _uncle_," Starrk said, editing out the words he really wanted to add.

"It's not _daddy_, either."

"Orihime and me would be a good mama and daddy."

Grimmjow was going to retort to that, but instead he grinned at the child, until she stuck a pointed finger on one of his front teeth. "Hey! What're you --"

"Don't touch those; they're dirty, honey," Starrk said, sitting forward in his chair.

The girl pointed harder with her finger as Grimmjow moved his face from her, his eyes wary on her hand as she looked to the teeth in his mask.

"She thinks part of your head is inside-out," Starrk offered, laughing as he sat back.

Grimmjow took the girl's small hand in his large one, careful at the clutch, and even more cautious when her cheeks turned a deep pink and her brown eyes frowned at him. "Hey, don't cry."

She began to sniffle, small pants in her round torso as she leaned against his jacket, toes scrunching on his thigh until he felt like screaming at the pinch.

"Okay, okay, don't cry," he said, patting her head with a hand, his other at her waist as she wobbled on his leg. "Dammit, don't cry."

"Watch the language," Starrk growled.

Suddenly the girl stopped her preliminary warm-up to actually crying, one hand going around Grimmjow's neck for support as her fingers made a tight lock on his hair as she turned to look at the doorway. She blinked a few times, and then both Espada heard it, too.

Her.

Finally, she'd come back.

Grimmjow scooped up the green romper-clad child and stood as Starrk rose to his feet. Both felt it; the simultaneous relief that the Living girl had finally come back to claim her stock and give up the name of the father. It was the second thought that made them both look at each other.

Doubts flew. All the boasting had been fun, but when genetics were finally to be disclosed, each knew they were at a disadvantage.

But bluffing had always been part of the game, and both were damned if they were going to blink first.

"Look there, kitten," Grimmjow said, pointing to the open door as Orihime's welcome voice grew louder. The girl blinked, watching the doorway.

"... home as soon as I can." Orihime's tone was soft and dulcet, a sweet lilt that was out of place in Hueco Mundo. "You promise it's just for a few days, Ulquiorra-san?"

Grimmjow and Starrk stood straighter, eyes fastened on the doorway as the shadows crossed the floor.

Orihime followed Ulquiorra to the open door, her steps hesitant. This time he'd collected her under invitation -- a decidedly urgent invitation -- but he hadn't exactly forced her presence. Not exactly.

He went in and stepped to one side of the door as she followed. A gasp that sucked all the breath from her lungs until she nearly choked broke from her mouth. Her eyes widened at the child in Grimmjow's arms.

"Oh, my ..." Her eyes shot to each of the three Espada in jerky motions, and then made a second pass. "You have a ... a ... baby?" This time her gaze lingered on each of them a little longer. "Who has a _baby_?"

The child watched Orihime's face, her wide eyes matching the older girl's in surprise and roundness. She bounced in Grimmjow's arm, arms waving as she giggled a smile at the newcomer at the doorway.

A high-pitched '_eee'_ sound erupted from her, and then the child reached her arms to Orihime, mouth opening in her first coherent word.

"Ma-ma-mama!"

* * *

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	4. Chapter 4

"... should have caught her. She was right there in front of you."

Starrk's voice wove into Orihime's conscious as she slowly awoke, realizing she was sitting on the floor, slumped back against something.

Someone, actually.

"All that sonido and you let her fall," Grimmjow's voice joined in. "You'd probably drop a baby, too."

Orihime's eyes snapped open. She looked up at the two Espada squatting in front of her, mind racing to make sense of it. Starrk was crouched, narrow eyes peering at her closely, chuckling as she awoke. Beside him Grimmjow was squatting, a child sitting on one knee.

Orihime stared back at the small girl, who gave her a gummy smile, clapping her hands awkwardly until she nearly unseated herself on Grimmjow's thigh. He carefully grabbed her waist with both hands to keep her balance.

"Are you injured?" Ulquiorra's voice came from behind her.

She looked to either of her arms that were draped over what she knew to be his knees, his hands under her arms as she leaned heavily against him. She sat up quickly, pulling her skirt lower over her knees when she saw that the Espada in front of her were glimpsing her legs.

"No, no," she said with a forced giggle, eyes going back to the toddler looking at her with a smile. She slowly got to her feet and stood, as did everyone else.

Starrk gave Ulquiorra a frown. "You didn't tell her why she's here?"

"Surely a mother knows her child," Ulquiorra said, half out of self-defense. "I still think Szayel-sama has been less than truthful about some of the details."

"We want to know whose kid it is," Grimmjow said as the child's hand closed around a fistful of his shirt at the shoulder.

Orihime shook her head, then nodded, meaning neither. "I thought it was yours, Jaegerjaquez-san."

Grimmjow beamed a rabid smile, eyes glinting as he looked to Starrk. "See? Right there. Admitting it's mine. Told you."

"That's not admitting anything," Starrk said slowly. "You thought?" he asked Orihime pointedly. "You don't know?"

She looked between the Espada in front of her, not liking either's expression. "I thought that it was Jaegerjaquez-san's because he was holding her." Her voice squeaked. "Is it yours, Starrk-san?"

"You had relations with both of them?" Ulquiorra asked, his face unusually pale, even for him. He turned her by one shoulder to see her better. "_Both_ of them?"

Orihime felt a wave of feebleness catch her knees as she realized what he was asking. "Oh ... no ... I thought..." She looked down as Ulquiorra's hand caught her elbow as she felt dizzy again. She straightened, frowning at Starrk. "Wait. You think this," she looked to the child, smiling back at it when it reached for her, "is _mine_? How?"

"Szayel said so," Grimmjow and Starrk said in unison, scowling at each other.

"But I didn't ..." she cleared her throat, blushing at the improprieties, "I've never had ... a child."

Ulquiorra nodded. "I didn't think so."

"But she looks just like you," Starrk said, looking from the child to Orihime. "Don't you think?"

Orihime let herself look back to the child, this time with more intent. It was all there - the large brown eyes, the soft auburn hair, the giggle that would turn into full sentences. She smiled more, the child mirroring the expression.

Grimmjow gave the girl a frown, his arm moving under her bottom. "Dammit, she's making bubbles in her -"

"Language," Ulquiorra said.

Grimmjow muttered beneath his breath as he shifted the child in his arm as she giggled at him.

Starrk sighed. "Let's sit down. I've been up for five minutes."

Orihime and the three Espada sat on the floor in the middle of the furniture of the room, mostly due to everyone's short argument over who got the couch and the child, and ultimately, the spot beside the alleged mother.

Orihime recoiled every time someone used the word, and nearly swooned anew when anyone mentioned _father_. She kept looking to Ulquiorra for an explanation, but he was wearing a guilty look that made his green eyes seem inordinately large.

"But I've never had a baby," she finally said as the rumbles of protest as to the seating arrangement lulled. She looked to the child still with the blue-haired Espada. The girl was now slouched against his chest as she sat on one leg across from Orihime, her eyes dancing with fresh glee.

"Is that why you brought me here?" she asked Ulquiorra at her side.

He nodded slightly. He began to speak, but Starrk interrupted.

"Szayel never said Orihime-chan had a baby," he recalled from her other side. His back was propped against the chair and the child now looked to him, considering her next nap. "He just said it was your child."

Orihime blinked a few times. "Well, that sounds a little better. I think," she mumbled. She gave the girl a timid look.

It was enough. The girl took a few seconds to wiggle off Grimmjow's lap and headed at a crawl to Orihime. It was only a few paces of hand-to-knee coordination, enough to work up a big smile by the time she got there.

Orihime let the smile fully form at her lips as the first small palm reached to her knee. "She's adorable." She helped the girl into her lap, carefully, setting her on her leg near her hip. The child looked up at her, taking a long moment to study her face.

It was the first female face she'd seen, and she liked it.

Orihime's smile grew larger, the child's smile matching. "What's her name?"

There was a brief round of confused looks among the males present, all of which went back to Orihime.

Starrk cleared his throat. "Pardon the indelicate nature, Orihime-chan, but if you never ... had a child," he said, deciding on the best phrasing, "then one of us is the father by other means."

She gave them each of them a wide-eyed look. "One of you is still the father? By _other_ means?" She looked down at the girl, who was now leaning her head against her ample chest. Orihime looked slowly to Starrk. "Are you sure?"

"Szayel's been feeding us all a line of shit," Grimmjow grumbled. "He said -"

"Language, Sexta," Starrk said. He grinned, but not in a pleasant manner. "We'll get more information out of that prissy scientist later. Right now," he said, smiling broadly at Orihime, "we should make the new mother feel more welcome."

Orihime's arm settled around the child more snuggly. "New mother? Oh, I ..." she faltered, looking down at the child that was staring up at her with huge eyes. "I don't think she's mine," she said in a whisper, looking reluctantly back to Starrk. "I don't think it's possible."

"You don't know Szayel-sama very well," Ulquiorra said somberly. "He put us back together. Extracting material from physical and spiritual particles is one of his specialties."

"Oh, yes, Ulquiorra-san," she said slowly, nodding at the child in her arm. "I suppose you're right."

He reached into his pocket and took out a small book. "I got this for the child, when I got your book," he explained, feeling the weight of the other two Espadas' stares on him. "It has pictures."

Orihime put one hand to her skirt where the paperback he'd already given her was tucked. "A children's book?" She smiled, surprised. "That's so thoughtful." She took the small book, a little puzzled by the cover which had a smiling boy and girl on it. "Thank you."

Grimmjow shot Starrk a troubled look. "I didn't know we were supposed to get presents."

"Any moron knows you're supposed to welcome new additions to the family," Starrk told him. He leaned forward, and before Orihime could move, he cupped the child up in both hands under her arms and lifted her away. "Just for a minute, honey," he told the girl who looked longingly back to Orihime.

He set the child back on Grimmjow's unsuspecting leg, bringing a grunt from both the Sexta and the girl. He turned back to Orihime, who was looking at him cautiously. He smiled, pulling a small stuffed animal from his pocket.

She glanced to it, smiling immediately. "Oh, a puppy. How sweet!"

"For the child," he said, sitting back to the chair again. "She likes dogs."

"You don't know that," Grimmjow said sharply, giving him a glare across the child's head. He looked down at her, grinning when she gave him a puckering pout. She smiled back, drooling.

"I'm sure she'll love it. Thank you, Starrk-san," Orihime said, turning the soft toy animal to see the terrier's brown and black markings. "And thank you, Ulquiorra-san, for the books. But I'm -"

"What about you?" Starrk asked Grimmjow, snickering as he predicted the answer. "Anything to lavish on the offspring?"

Grimmjow stuffed down most of the growl, aware that the girl on his lap was already humming. "If the dog-thing is for the kid, why'd you give it to Orihime-chan?"

Orihime's fingers were tightening on the dog as she slipped the second book into her pocket with the first. Her eye went from one Espada to the other as the spiritual pressure in the room fluctuated.

"Uh, I think maybe I should take her," she said, raising to her knees and scooting the short space to Grimmjow across from her. She hesitated at his glower, hands halfway to the child before she thought about trying to take anything away from an angry cat. "Please, Jaegerjaquez-san?"

His livid look dropped a little as he let her take the child. The girl glanced back to him, sniffling a bit, but then smiled and gurgled happily when she found herself in Orihime's arms.

"I thought the mother should give the kid the toy," Starrk said, shrugging. "That whole bonding thing. Well, Grimmjow," he continued, enjoying the obvious annoyance crossing the Sexta's face, "where's your gift?"

Ulquiorra waited for the answer, rewarded with only Grimmjow's increasing frustration. Orihime had edged away from him, sensing the tension, the child wrapped in her arms reaching for the toy dog with both hands.

"I'll show you your room," Ulquiorra said, standing as the other two Espada exchanged amused and irritated looks.

"Oh, thank you," Orihime said, uncertain as to the idea of another room in Las Noches. She felt his hand under her arm, lifting her to her feet as she managed the child in her hold.

The girl was smiling glibly at the dog, pinching at its furry exterior, eyes brightening more at the floppy ears.

Starrk was ignoring Grimmjow's contained fury. "Aw, she likes it," he said to Orihime.

She nodded, smiling at the child as the girl grabbed the toy, until she opened her mouth and bit the dog's black nose. "Oh, my," Orihime said, looking worried until the child released the toy and giggled at it. "Oh, I guess that's okay."

"Come along," Ulquiorra said, pulling gently at her arm.

"That was sneaky," Grimmjow told Starrk.

Starrk shrugged.

Grimmjow looked back to Orihime, first at her retreating form and the shape her skirt made below her slender waist, and then to the child in her arms as it glanced his way and waved.

Starrk waved back.

"That was for me," Grimmjow grumbled, waving at the girl as Orihime carried her to the door.

They left the room under Ulquiorra's escort.

Grimmjow sent Starrk a biting glare. "No one is the father. What the hell kind of joke is Szayel running here?"

Starrk was equally miffed. "He said the mother left the child here," he said, rethinking what little the scientist had told them. "If Orihime-chan isn't going to admit to having sex with one of us -"

"You think she's lying?" Grimmjow didn't think she was capable.

Starrk sighed. "I know I would. Anyway, we'll just have to make Szayel run some tests."

This time Grimmjow's growl was louder. "I'm not pissing in any cup."

Starrk sat back against the chair behind him, legs sprawling out as he got comfortable. "Well, Szayel's got some answering to do," he said, eyes closing. "Whether you piss in a cup is up to you. Personally I'd like to break his fingers until he tells us whose essence he robbed, but maybe there's a more diplomatic way."

"Keep your diplomacy." Grimmjow was on his feet, hands balling into fists as he stood and headed for the door. "I'm up for a little injury."

"Suit yourself, but it doesn't make for good fathering nature to injure the baby doctor."

Grimmjow ignored him and left.

Halfway down the first hall Grimmjow's ill humor turned in another direction. It took him a while to find out where Ulquiorra had taken the Living girl. It was around several corners, tucked far away from Aizen's usual trots, near the nursery. By the time he got there, Orihime was alone with the child.

Orihime sat on the bed inside the modest room, the child on her lap in her arms as they seemed to be studying each other in detail. Grimmjow hung back at the partly open door, watching the two.

There was no doubt the child was Orihime's in some manner or another.

Or a clone.

He didn't like that idea. Too ... Szayel-like.

The child had her fingers on Orihime's bottom lip, curling, pulling curiously, eyes one what sort of teeth were inside.

"Ooh, I see you're getting one right there," Orihime cooed despite her lip dipping at the child's hand, smiling as she leaned closer to inspect the white bump on the girl's gum line. "That's why you're drooling."

The child sputtered slobber in response.

Orihime pushed a hand through the small curls at the top of the girl's head, pink hinting her cheeks as the girl's hands moved to her face. " ... You have to admit," she said almost wistfully, voice barely audible to the bystander at the doorway, "we do look a lot alike."

The child's head turned abruptly in Grimmjow's direction, and for a fleeting second his feline instincts to take flight were in force. He remained, instead fighting off the oddly guilty feeling that Starrk had given him.

"Oh, hi, Jaegerjaquez-san," Orihime said, sitting straighter, pulling the child closer. "I didn't know you were there."

He wasn't sure what an apology entailed, wasn't sure he needed to give one, but felt some sort of explanation was in order. "I should have got a present for her. For you." He shrugged, hovering in the doorway. "Either of you."

She smiled, looking back down at the child. The girl turned back to her, a mischievous giggle coming from her, small hands still Orihime's face. "I think she's okay with the stuffed doggie."

It wasn't what Grimmjow wanted to hear. He glanced down the hall to where he heard a familiar twitter of a laugh. "Well, if you're certain you didn't ..." He decided not to finish the sentence as he'd intended when Orihime's sent a wide-eyed look in his direction. He grasped for less invasive words. "You're sure she's not your naturally conceived child?"

Orihime's gasp was enough of an answer, but her bright red blush took out any doubt. "I'm very sure, Jaegerjaquez-san," she said meekly.

"Grimmjow," he said, stepping away from the door into the hall. "Just Grimmjow. If I'm in the running for fathership, it's just Grimmjow."

Orihime nodded slowly. "Okay. Grimmjow-san."

"Mama," the child said, smiling, bouncing on Orihime's lap, hands moving to the ribbon lacing her blouse collar. "Mama, mama, mama."

Orihime's smile weakened at the name.

Grimmjow grinned as he turned away from the door. "I'll get her something. See you later, mama."

* * *

_Thanks for reading. Take the poll ..._


	5. Chapter 5

Orihime spent the rest of the afternoon watching the child sleep before giving her a decidedly sloppy dinner, which was observed by several hulking Espada. The whir of events that had made up her day so far in her return to Hueco Mundo had exhausted her, but as much as she wanted to crawl up beside the small lump of sleeping girl on the bed in her new room, she resisted.

She sat down on the mattress by the child, needlessly arranging the blanket over the small legs and green romper that had a few mysterious orange spots at the hem, smiling as the toddler's mouth hung half open in dreamland.

Half-Arrancar dreamland, Orihime thought. Some of the smile slipped from her face. Maybe even half-Espada dreamland, if any of the ambiguous allegations surrounding the girl were true.

Her eyes went over the child's face. Round and smooth pink cheeks, brown eyes closed, curls of auburn hair framing her gurgling soft snoring - Orihime frowned.

Snoring? At her age?

The room Ulquiorra had shown her was much the same as her old room from her previous stay at the doomed domain, except this time is was smaller, with a cozier-looking bed, or maybe it just looked cozier because the child was sleeping in it.

A large spoon-shaped shadow fell over the girl in the bed from the open doorway.

A chill went up Orihime's spine as she turned to see the only Espada that threw such a shape. She immediately stood.

Nnoitra gave her a toothy grin as she looked to him, her shapely figure blocking his view of the sleeping child until Orihime took a step back against the bed. An unsummoned '_eep'_ came from him.

"Agh, she's here," he said when he spotted the child. His voice dropped a notch as the girl stirred in her sleep.

"Oh, I didn't know you were ... here ..." Orihime hesitated in saying, wondering just how many Espada had been resuscitated. "I didn't think -"

"You don't have to do no thinking, pet-chan; just spend a little time with me," he said, a grin inching up his face a bit more until his shadow was joined by another from the hall.

"You know the rules, Nnoitra," Szayel said, in his arms bundled assorted baby trappings. "You don't have any time with Orihime-chan until tomorrow, so scoot. Wait your turn."

Nnoitra looked down at the pink-haired researcher, his grin drooping into a grimace. "I'm just saying my hello, Szayel-san. I didn't get to see her when she got here."

Szayel raised an eyebrow. "Did you bring a gift?"

Nnoitra sniggled a leer. "Yep, I got something for her," he said, winking at Orihime, which made her cringe.

Szayel's gaze dropped to the tall Espada's crotch before rising to Nnoitra again. "Not that sort of gift. Something for the child, Nnoitra."

The rest of Nnoitra's grin disappeared. "No. Nothing for the brat. I figured -"

"You can figure later," Szayel decided for him, pushing him out of the doorway. "If you want to be perverted, you'll have to schedule that in when the child is not present. No sugar after 1800 hours and no crackers in bed. I've been finding crumbs." He pushed harder on Nnoitra's elbow when the tall Espada resisted leaving the doorway. With a final shove, he sent Nnoitra into the hall and closed the door. He turned to see Orihime, smiling glibly. "There are other rules, too, of course, but I'll get you the list later. First things first."

Orihime stood her ground as the scientist advanced on her, hands moving before her in a protective posture that could have reversed most of Hueco Mundo from existence.

"Wait! Wait!" Szayel cried as he realized what she was preparing. "No need to blast me into the past, Orihime-chan. I simply brought you a few items you'll need to set up motherhood here."

The very words made Orihime shy away, but not nearly as much as the almost tender look the Espada lowered on the sleeping child. He smiled widely.

"Uh, I'm not going to be here that long, Aporro-sama," she said, looking to the supplies he held tighter as he approached. "I'm not sure how she got here, but she's not mine."

He smiled, nearly giggling. "Oh, you're too humble, girl." He sighed as he watched the child clutch the pillow in her sleep, tiny fists white-knuckle around the case. "She's charming when she's sleeping, but I must admit, she can really wail." He carefully set the items on the bed, which consisted of bathing toiletries and a change of clothing.

Orihime did her best to work up a smile, but the thought of the most extreme case of unplanned motherhood overwhelmed her. "Oh, a bath?"

"Yes. She has a bath promptly at 1900 hours, and bedtime is 2000," he said, smiling down at the girl as her eyes opened at his voice.

She looked to him, rolling onto her back and blinking a few times before she saw Orihime. She smiled her biggest smile yet and shifted to her knees, holding her arms up to the older girl.

"You want up?" A nervous smile escaped Orihime as she picked up the girl. "Oh, my, you're heavy now. We should change your diaper," she said, arms holding the child firmer. She cocked her head to one side to see the girl's smile. "Do you like baths?"

The child reached one small hand to Orihime's face, fingers pausing on her cheek as she studied her carefully. A murmur of '_Mamas'_ came from her.

"She usually bathes in the lab sink," Szayel said, the horrific nuisances of the idea eluding him. He held up a small pink bottle. "Her favorite shampoo. Tear-free."

It took a few moments for Orihime to warm to the idea of giving the small child a bath, but after the stench of warm diaper solids permeated the room for a few moments, she consented.

It took even more time for her to acclimate herself to the laboratory, however. Szayel stayed out of her way, for the most part, hovering nearby with a fluffy yellow towel as Orihime stood at the industrial sized stainless steel sink against the lab wall. The clinically bright lights overhead sent a sterile cast over the girls, contrasting sharply with the mounds of bubbles on the water.

Orihime looked back at the round face looking at her. Bubbles framed the cheeks and chin, thick foam on the girl's head in matted auburn clumps. "Well, so you do like baths," she said to the child.

The girl made 'o's with her mouth as she watched Orihime speak, and then burped up a string of white froth.

Orihime wiped away the regurgitated bubbles. "Oh, don't eat them, sweetie." She leaned over the child, washing her back with the blue sponge.

A wet hand planted against Orihime chest. The small handprint left an undeniable shape on her left breast.

"Oh, uh ... oops," she mumbled, blushing and turning her back to where Szayel stood. The child smiled and giggled at Orihime, and was about to make another impression, but Orihime dodged the attack.

"Hey, you said you'd tell me when she was in here," Grimmjow's voice broke through the lab.

Orihime's first reaction was to look, but she remembered herself, and remained locked into position facing the sink. She looked down at the girl, who was focusing behind her across the tables of questionable experiments at the newly arrived Espada.

"You know bath time is 1900 hours," Szayel said primly.

Orihime heard Grimmjow growl something in return, but she wasn't certain what it was. She wiped the girl's back with the sponge, using a beaker to rinse the soap from the edges of her hair. A smile crossed the child's face, her arm extending to the Espada behind Orihime.

"You're done already?"

Grimmjow's voice was nearer than she expected, and Orihime yelped and flinched, cupping the child to one side of the sink. Grimmjow hovered near her shoulder, eyes on the child's smile, before settling on Orihime's blouse.

"Oh, patty-cake, huh?" he said with a chuckle.

"No," Orihime said, shifting from him as best she could. She wiped the last few bubbles from the girl's face.

A big hand stuck an orange sponge in front of her. She frowned at the object. It was cut into the shape of a fish, a very _basic_ shape of a fish, and had a hole bored through in place of an eye.

Orihime wasn't sure whether to laugh or not. "Oh, it's a ... sponge?"

"It's a fish," Grimmjow clarified. He handed the sponge to the child. She readily took it and began pulling at its ends.

Orihime managed a weak smile. "Thank you, Jaeger -"

"Grimmjow," he corrected.

"Grimmjow," she rephrased, smiling more as the child fingered the sponge, before sticking one end into her mouth. "Oh, no. Don't eat it." Orihime tugged at the sponge. The child's eyes narrowed on her, gums clamping tightly. Orihime pulled harder, then submerged her other hand and let her fingers delicately tickle the girl's toes still under the bubbly water. "Not to eat, sweetie."

The child looked to where her toes were under the water, her mouth dropping open in distraction. Orihime took the sponge and set it to one side on the counter. The girl looked to it, and then to Grimmjow.

"Maybe next bath?" Orihime said, looking to him as a disappointed simmer came to his face.

He nodded, eyes rising from the handprint on her chest. "Next bath."

Orihime turned from him and lifted a shoulder, hoping for a little privacy. "I'm getting her out of the water now."

Grimmjow took a step back, but only one, and Orihime drained the water from the sink and bundled the child into the large towel. It took a few moments to dry the wobbly child and get her into a diaper and pajamas, especially with Grimmjow loitering and Szayel overseeing the progress. By the time Orihime had gotten the last snap fastened she was nearing her own limit of weariness. She hoisted the girl onto her hip and turned.

Ulquiorra looked back at her from entering the laboratory. He glanced at the nearly dry handprint on Orihime, and then looked to Grimmjow.

The Sexta read the look too easily. "Does it _look_ like it's mine?"

"No." Ulquiorra gave him a sharper stare. "Neither does she," he said, a flicker of a smile coming to him as he looked at the child in Orihime's arms. "She looks nothing at all like you."

Orihime looked quickly between the two Espada, and then to the child as the girl reached behind her for the sponge. Immediately the fish was back in her mouth, this time gripped determinedly between her gums.

Szayel nearly shrieked. "No! Who gave her that to eat?"

Orihime didn't glance at Grimmjow, but he was already looking guilty.

"I didn't give it to her to eat," he said.

Ulquiorra shook his head. "Is that your idea of a gift?"

"No," Grimmjow snapped. "I'll get her something better than that."

Orihime succeeded in tugging away the sponge. "You can play with that at your next bath," she promised, setting the sponge back on the counter. She pushed the drying curls back from the child's face. "Let's get you to ..." She looked to Szayel. "Where does she sleep?"

Szayel finished giving Grimmjow a look of disdain before smiling at Orihime. "Would you like her to sleep with you? For a bonding experience?"

Orihime wanted to say _no_. No, she was not the mother; no, this was not what she expected Ulquiorra to bring her back to; and most definitely no she hadn't slept with any of the Espada. At least, not that she recalled.

Three sets of eyes watched her, awaiting her answer, as if daring her to voice aloud one of those _no's_. Instead she looked to the child in her arms, returning the soft brown-eyed stare.

"Yes," she decided.

That _yes_ cost more than she bargained. It wasn't the child that gave her issues; it was the baggage of Espada that came with her that made her rethink the answer.

Grimmjow had planted himself in the chair near the bed by the lamp stand, watching shrewdly as Ulquiorra stood at the side while Orihime combed the child's wavy hair into dry curls. Ulquiorra's posture was stiff as he watched them, his hands tight around the two books he'd given Orihime earlier. Grimmjow unclenched his teeth long enough to make a comment.

"You're hanging around like a vulture," he said to the green-eyed Espada. "What are you waiting on? Give them the damn books."

"Watch your language around the child," Ulquiorra said quickly to him. "I want to read one to her." He cleared his throat. "To the child." He cast Grimmjow another glance. "If you're done trying to feed her sponges, why don't you leave?"

"I didn't feed her a sponge," Grimmjow snapped back. He looked to Szayel still standing in the doorway. "She wasn't supposed to eat it." He glanced past the researcher as Starrk appeared in the hall.

"Well, well, here's the party. Excuse me, Szayel," Starrk said, slipping past the scientist. He grinned at the child, holding up a small box of animal crackers.

The girl clapped clumsily, giving Orihime a smile.

She was already reaching up as Starrk stopped at the bed and shook the box.

More clapping.

Szayel screeched. "No! You're the one feeding her those!" In a pink flash, Szayel was trying to wrestle the box from the Prima. "Every morning she has cracker crumbs in bed. You know the rules!"

Starrk pushed Szayel away an arm's length, grinning at Orihime. "Well, this is Orihime-chan's room, and if she says the child can have crackers after six p.m., then she can have crackers."

Orihime looked to Starrk and then Szayel, and then eventually to Grimmjow's sour expression and then Ulquiorra's miffed one. She turned her attention to the child, who smiled widely. "I suppose a few animal crackers wouldn't hurt," she said slowly.

"Good." Starrk handed the box to the girl. She immediately ripped the top off with a chubby hand and pulled out a fistful of the animal-shaped treats.

Grimmjow whistled lowly. "Da-ang it, did you see that? Decapitated the box." He grinned, nodding. "That's my girl, kitten."

"Now wait a minute," Starrk said, scowling at Grimmjow, "none of that kitten -"

"Hey, you broke the cracker rule, so you owe me one," Grimmjow grumbled. "And if -"

"You're both on my time," Ulquiorra said, black-nailed fingers clutching the books as he looked to each testily. "We agreed I get the bedtime rituals the first night."

His phrasing brought a few chuckles from Grimmjow and Starrk, and a blush from Orihime, but Ulquiorra only reddened - slightly - beneath his pale pallor.

"You can both," he said, then glanced to Szayel, "- all three - leave now. What's the sense of having rules if we're not going to abide by them?"

From the doorway Nnoitra looked in. "Did someone say bondage earlier?" he asked with a greasy grin.

"No," Szayel said stoutly. "That was _bonding_."

"Oh."

Nnoitra disappeared from the door.

Grimmjow got to his feet, giving the child looking back at him a quick grin before dropping it for a frown for Ulquiorra. "All right, we're out of here, but you remember the open door rule, got it?"

Ulquiorra didn't nod. "I remember."

It took a few more moments of coaxing, a little threatening, and then Grimmjow and Starrk left the room with Szayel.

They didn't go far. Orihime knew that. She could sense them just around the corner in the hall through the open door. She sighed, a little, and looked down at the girl on her lap. The child had a handful of crackers on her sleeper shorts, her small fingers busy snapping the heads off the animal-shaped cookies.

Orihime decided to say nothing of the snapping, consoling herself that that was just what babies did. She looked up to see Ulquiorra watching her. "Would you like to sit down to read to her?"

They were odd words, ones no had ever said to him, ones he never expected to hear from anyone. He liked the sound of them, almost as much as Orihime's voice saying them.

He sat down beside her, beside them, and watched Orihime flick the lamp on the stand to a lower setting.

She smiled quickly at him. "It's nearing her bedtime, I think, so maybe a little less light would be better."

He nodded and looked down at the first book. A stern-looking man with pointy eyebrows and even pointier ears stared back at him from the cover. He looked beside him as the girl shifted on Orihime's lap to see the book better.

Orihime looked on, too, with confusion.

Ulquiorra cleared his throat again. "_'The Ultimate Handbook on Spock_,'" he read, eyes dropping to the smaller printed subtitle, "_'with selected favorites from the series_.'"

Orihime frowned. "I'm not sure why you think this will be helpful in child-raising, Ulquiorra-san."

A flicker of doubt passed his features, but one had to look closely to see it. He looked back to the book. "Dr. Spock-sama is the best advisor in his field," he explained. "He's a highly regarded child psychologist and theorist. Szayel-sama said anything by him would be beneficial."

She nodded slowly, eyes still on the book. "But that's Mr. Spock, from _Star Trek_. He's not real."

Ulquiorra looked back to the book. "He's not the doctor?"

"No, he's a fictional character on a television show." She smiled as he frowned more at the book. "I think you got him mixed up with Dr. Spock, the real baby expert."

He looked at the cover of the book for a long moment, something about the severe, no-nonsense stare of the Vulcan appealing to him. He looked down at the child's face as she eagerly awaited him to begin reading. She leaned against Orihime, one hand still stuffing somewhat soggy crackers back into her munching mouth.

"This won't help us?" he finally asked.

"No," Orihime admitted, smiling a little more and trying to see his face better as he gave the book a sigh. "But it still might be interesting to read." She looked down at the child's head leaned to her chest. "But not for babies ... I think."

Ulquiorra set the book behind them on the bed and pulled the second book onto his lap. Books had seemed like the perfect way to engage the child and Orihime, something they could do together, something supportive in raising the child.

Something that he hadn't gotten right.

Maybe the second book. A picture book. The smiling faces of the children on the cover seemed promising.

"Oh, this is better," Orihime said, nodding as she looked at the colorful book. "A picture book. This will -"

She was cut off from speaking as the child stuffed a half-eaten camel cracker into her mouth.

Orihime's first reaction was to wretch out the spongy-damp cracker, but the girl's expectant face was looking at her, eyes wide, mouth open as if to encourage Orihime to take the bite.

Orihime obediently munched the camel. She tried to keep the mild, somewhat mushy taste and texture from showing in her face. Normally she loved animal crackers, but this one was bendable and wet at some of the edges.

"Mmm, yummy," she said, forcing a smile at the girl.

The child happily popped two crackers in her mouth and chewed, smiling as she looked to Ulquiorra. Immediately her hand delved into the box for a cracker. She held one out to him.

"No, thank you," he said in self-defense.

"But they're good, Ulquiorra-san," Orihime said, half smiling.

His eyes dropped to the cracker.

The girl had given up on him. She shoved the cracker into her own mouth.

With relief he looked back to the book. "'One, Two, Three, Baby,'" he read. He looked to his leg as the small girl put a hand there and leaned closer to see the book as he opened to the first page. He flipped through the boring introductory pages and stopped on a page with two young children sitting with a very pregnant mother on a couch. He looked to Orihime over the top of the child's head to see her rapt attention on the book. "Shouldn't there be a male figure, too?"

"Oh, well, yes," she said, deciding against the intricacies of modern families for the moment. "Maybe he's on the next page."

Ulquiorra nodded, angling his neck to see around the girl's head as she looked at the book. "'Mommy's going to have a baby, said Mary,'" he read. "'Bobby looked at Mary. He was older than Mary. He was seven years-old. I remember when you were a baby, he said to Mary. Mommy had a big belly and then I had a little sister. Mary looked to Mommy. Mommy, she said, where do babies come from?'"

Ulquiorra frowned. Orihime sat back from him, pulling the child with her.

"Have you read this book before, Ulquiorra-san?" she asked guardedly.

"No, I just got it the day I went to find you in Karakura Town," he said, slowing turning the page.

The child reached a hand to pat the next page he'd turned. On it was a large picture of a baby in a crib.

Ulquiorra looked back to the text. "'Babies come from mommies and daddies who love each other very much, Mommy said,'" he read. He frowned, and then flipped a few more pages ahead. His eyes got bigger, and greener - kind of - as he looked with horror at the pages awaiting them.

He snapped the book shut.

The child looked to him, and then to the book. Her small fingers picked at the cover edge, trying to open it. A few grunts escaped her, and then she braced one hand on his side as she tugged at the book with her other hand.

Ulquiorra's black fingernails tightened around the book. "I don't think this is a book for children her age," he said in a hesitant tone. "It's more ... developed than her age." He looked carefully to Orihime. "It's an instructional guide."

Orihime stifled a gasp and grabbed the child around her waist and pulled her nearer onto her lap. "A guide? With _instructions_?"

He peeked a look back into the book, then slowly closed it. "Not exactly instructions," he said, "but clearly not for her to read."

"Oh."

She sat back with the child, who was still looking at the book, a pout building on her round face. Ulquiorra set the book to his side, the opposite side away from the child, and turned back to her and Orihime. He put his hands over the small girl's ears and leaned to Orihime. He noticed she didn't lean away.

"Are you certain she isn't your child by one of them?" he asked, nodding to the doorway where he was sure several Espada were still lurking.

Orihime felt her cheeks color with pink warmth as she shook her head. "She can't be, Ulquiorra-san." Her voice dropped lower as she glanced to the doorway. "She can't be. At all."

He nodded, fingers still at the girl's temples as she looked up at him. "Did you ever have relations with any of them?"

"Hey, that's personal!" Starrk shouted from the hallway. "This is supposed to be story time, Ulquiorra. You can't ask those kinds of questions with the kid around."

Orihime's arms tightened around the girl as Ulquiorra sat back and took his hands from the child's head. Orihime shook her head, but then stopped as three heads popped around the doorframe.

"That's enough," Szayel said, waving for Ulquiorra to come out. "No porno books for the child. I thought you could do that right." He appeared fully in the doorway, sending Grimmjow beside him a dismissive look. "You tried to feed her a sponge, and now he's corrupting her." Starrk laughed, until Szayel turned on him. "And you," he said, "you're the one giving her crackers at bedtime. I found crumbs in the morning - crumbs with pink icing."

Orihime looked to Starrk as he guiltily looked to Grimmjow.

"At least they're edible. Where the hell do you -"

"Language," Szayel chastised.

"- get off feeding her a sponge? Is that your present?" Starrk chuckled. "Lame, Sexta. Real lame."

"It wasn't a present," Grimmjow growled. "It was just a sponge. I'm getting her something better soon."

"It didn't look very much like a fish," Szayel said. "When was the last time you even saw a fish, Jaegerjaquez?"

Grimmjow gave him a threatening look. "Have you ever tried to cut a sponge with a sword, Szayel?"

Orihime looked down to the child beginning to fuss in her arms. "Maybe she should go to bed now," she said, mostly to Ulquiorra.

Szayel, Starrk and Grimmjow all looked her way at the word.

Ulquiorra stood up, collecting the picture book as he did. "I'll find something else for her." He hid the cover of the book against his chest, until he realized the back cover was worse, depicting stages of unborn development. He crossed his arms across the back cover and looked sheepishly to Orihime. "I'm glad you're back, even for a little while, Orihime-chan."

She smiled, still aware of the Espada hanging around the doorway. The small girl leaned her head to Orihime's chest as a yawn caught her. "But just for a little while. Right?"

He nodded. "Right."

He left then, taking the other three Arrancar with him, and closed the door to their protests.

Orihime looked down at the child, whose eyes were beginning to sag in sleepiness. "It looks like you've got your choice of daddies," she said, cringing a little less at the words. She wiped cracker crumbs from the curls atop the girl's head. "But I don't see how it's possible ..."

* * *

_Thanks for reading. Take the poll!_


	6. Chapter 6

Orihime awoke the next morning to her foreign surroundings, followed by an onset of panic that made her sit upright on the bed before she could think.

Beside her a small form slumped into the spot where she'd just lain, and she looked down to see the lump of girl scoot closer to her pillow, already drooling on it.

"Oh ..." Orihime said softly, memories of the night before swarming her mind. She smiled at the child, and eased back down to the mattress, carefully coddling the child closer.

The girl slept on, mouth half open, dribbling slobber onto the pillow as her tiny fingers gripped the case. Orihime rested her arm at the top of the pillow, pulling the thin blanket higher around the slender shoulders of the girl. There was no mistaking the bright colored hair or the large eyes. She knew those characteristics.

The grip, however, she thought as she frowned at the bunch of pillow case clutched fiercely in the child's small hand - that was something else entirely. She sighed, fingers carefully pulling through the small curls of hair as the child slumbered, her gaze resting on the chair. It was a set of clothing for the day – not Arrancar issue as they had been before – but a peach colored skirt and lime green top with a yellow ribbon threaded around the collar.

Szayel's work, she'd been told by Ulquiorra the night before. Beside the skirt was a tangerine romper with yellow dots, child-size. She looked back down to the sleeping girl.

What had Szayel done?

Before she could think the matter through, the girl's eyes flashed open, she gave her a quick smile, and then glanced to the door.

Orihime looked there and sat up, gasping.

Looking back were the fathers.

Orihime's head snapped back around to face the child again.

Fathers?

She nearly swooned. She hadn't meant to think of them like that. She didn't want to: too much like admitting to _something_. The child smiled up at her, raising one of its small legs to let her heel drop onto Orihime's knee, giggling at the 'oof' it brought from the Living girl.

Orihime caught the foot the next time it was raised, her thumb brushing along the child's sole until it giggled and squirmed. Orihime smiled, then remembered the six eyes at the door cracked open, and turned to find the three Espada had moved closer. Too close. Within reach.

Not that anyone was reaching, except for the child, and that was reaching for Orihime.

She collected the girl into her arms, turning with her to see Ulquiorra, Grimmjow and Starrk as they each looked at the child. "G-good morning," she said, hoping it would be.

There was a mumble of 'mornings', and then Starrk held up a bib and bottle.

"Breakfast, darling?" he said.

The child smiled at the bottle.

Starrk handed it to Orihime.

"Szayel-san has called a meeting about some of the questions we've had," Ulquiorra said.

"After you've fed the child," Starrk said, ruffling the girl's tousled hair.

"And get dressed," Grimmjow added, not alone in eyeing the silk lilac pajamas Szayel had so thoughtfully supplied for her.

Orihime immediately blushed and put a hand to her high-buttoned sleep shirt, forgetting what she was wearing. "Oh, okay. We'll change."

It was another moment of watching before it occurred to the Espada to leave, but they did as Orihime's blush turned pinker. She sighed when they shut the door behind them, hoping there would be no more silent wake-up calls. Beside her the child sat up and wiggled to sit on her round bottom.

Orihime sniffed, wrinkling her face. "That's more than wet, deary."

* * *

The round table in the lab room was supposed to be for scientific meetings, and the occasional devouring of a fraccíon for sustenance, but forty minutes later it was decked with plates of Living consumables and a few cups. At one side Szayel had set up an easel with a large chart on it, tall columns of colors that faded in intensity as they rose. He smiled as the parents entered the room.

"Good, good, you're all here," he said, gesturing to the seats around the table. "It has come to my attention that some of the paternity issues need clarification."

Orihime carried the child at one side, both presentable in their respective changes of clothing, mostly combed despite the child's attempts to brush the Living girl's hair.

Starrk pulled out a chair and patted the back. "Sit down, Orihime-chan."

"Oh, thank you," she said, taking the chair and setting the child on one leg.

Starrk sat beside her and Ulquiorra to the other, leaving Grimmjow with a sour look on his face and Nnoitra both relieved and disappointed at the same time. Grimmjow sat to Starrk's other side. Nnoitra took the chair beside him, figuring it was farthest from the child.

"Oh, do enjoy," Szayel said, using the pointer in his hand to nudge two of the plates of edibles closer to Orihime.

She looked at the crackers and jelly-like cubes.

Szayel saw her reservations. "It's completely Living form consumable," he said, smiling. "And digestible for an Arrancar her age, too."

Orihime had just reached for an orange cube when he said it, making her pause, considering what sort of crossover ingredients could possibly be fitting for both her and the child. "They are?"

Szayel nodded. "I've engineered them so. Now," he said, turning back to chart, "allow me to show you the child's unique genetics."

Every Espada sat forward.

But Szayel turned back around and flipped a hand in Orihime's direction. "Your cup has water in it, for both of you. Purified, of course. I thought the child should not have tea yet."

He turned back around as each of the Espada looked to the cups before them.

"Mine's empty," Starrk said, tipping the plastic cup.

"So is mine," Nnoitra said, then shot a glance to the child as it turned a wide-eyed look to him. "Keep her over there."

Orihime's arms came around the child as she prepared to pull herself onto the table for a closer look at Nnoitra.

"Only Inoue-chan's has anything in it. We'll get to that in a moment," Szayel said, turning back to his chart. "Now here we have a breakdown of each of your contributions to the child's gene pool. My assumption was that –"

"Each?" Three out of the four Espada said in unison. Nnoitra was still tight lipped, staring at the child watching him.

"Yes. Each," Szayel said. "I had the brilliant idea that I could engineer the ultimate creation by joining the Living girl's powers with the strongest of Espada in one magnificent hybrid that could –"

"Each?" Grimmjow growled, leaning over the table, nearly within a long arm's reach of Szayel. "What the hell kind of –"

"Language," Ulquiorra said.

"— oddball scheme is that?" Grimmjow nearly roared.

Orihime put her hands to the child's ears at the outburst.

"He's right, Szayel," Starrk said, a menacing tone edging as he leaned both arms on the table. "And where did you get your sampling from?"

The researcher stayed out of reach of any of them, close to his chart. "I have genetic material from everyone here." He slid a glance to Nnoitra. "Some more than others."

Nnoitra chuckled. "You bet – wait a minute, how'd you mean that?"

Szayel waved the question away, still watching Grimmjow's fist clenching on the table. "The fact is, my experiment worked, and the adorable results are sitting right there."

They all looked at the child in Orihime's arms.

Somewhere along the line Orihime's hands had fell limp to the table, her mouth agape as she stared at Szayel.

"How did you glean Orihime-chan's ... contribution?" Ulquiorra asked, his tone flat, eyes narrowing slightly on the scientist.

Orihime nodded, speechless, also wanting to know.

Szayel didn't even turn around. "I used a few strands of her hair to reverse engineer her DNA. Everything else was child's play."

All eyes went to Orihime, to her hair, and then to the child. Both Orihime and the small girl looked back at each of them. After a few seconds Orihime sighed, making all eyes go to her blouse as she did.

Her relief was short-lived as Szayel continued.

"I used the contributions, if you will, of the top five Espada," he said.

Starrk gave Grimmjow an elbow to the arm. "Guess that rules you out completely, Sexta."

Grimmjow glared back at him. "Yeah, I contributed the real way."

Orihime sucked in a breath, mild horror on her face.

"But that means that Halibell contributed, too?" Ulquiorra asked Szayel. He looked to the child.

"Oh, no, of course not," Szayel said. "In place of her I used the top five male Espada."

Grimmjow chuckled at Starrk. "See?"

"That still isn't the real way, Sexta," Starrk reminded. He turned to Orihime. "So that should ease your conscience a little. Any?"

She nodded a bit, still not liking much of the conversation. "Some."

Grimmjow looked from Starrk to Orihime, and then sent a chilly glare to Szayel. "You cheated and you used us to help."

Orihime breathed easier at the nuisances that had fostered the child. She rubbed the girl's tummy with one hand and reached for the glass of water. "It's okay," she murmured to her. "You want a drink of water?"

It took a moment to realize the girl was not quite at the big cup stage, but she made a passable effort at sucking down a sip. Orihime smiled at her and raised the cup to her own lips.

"I don't like it either," Starrk said. "You should have cleared that with us, or 'fessed up when we asked."

"If there is any doubt among you," Szayel said, "I encourage you to make a contribution now, to verify your participation. There is a cup in front of each of you."

Orihime nearly sputtered the water in her mouth at the words. She wiped her lips, shocked eyes on Szayel.

"Not yours, of course," he said to her.

She cleared her throat and set the cup on the table. "Oh."

Nnoitra put two long fingers to the cup before him, his other hand hidden under that table.

"Not here, Nnoitra," Szayel snapped at him.

Nnoitra grumbled something, but Szayel drowned him out, pointing to the chart. "Now that you all are clear on the paternity of the creation –"

"Child," Grimmjow and Ulquiorra said together.

"Child," Szayel repeated, tapping the chart, "we'll move on to strength of contributions."

Orihime didn't know whether to blush, frown or giggle at the concept. The chart was lined with columns in bright blue, grass green, deep purple, orange, and black. Some tapered into lighter colors at the top, a few faded at midpoint. The orange was the brightest, right to the very top.

Each Espada wanted to claim the orange column, but each also knew who it belonged to. Orihime had a good guess, too. She managed a smile to the taller figures looking at her.

Szayel tapped the chart. "I'll spare you some of the finer details of genetics, unless anyone would care to hear —"

"No," a male chorus sounded.

Szayel sighed. "Very well. Here we have the mother's contribution," he said, the pointer on the tall, vibrantly orange column before moving to the green. "And here is Ulquiorra's. Grimmjow," he said, indicating the blue column, "Starrk, and Nnoitra."

Everyone leaned closer over the table to see the columns better. The green faded three-quarters of the way up, the blue a little higher, the black highest, and the purple a third of the way.

"Who's purple?" both Starrk and Nnoitra wanted to know.

"Nnoitra."

Grimmjow and Starrk both chuckled at this, which turned into a full blown roar of laughter.

"It appears overuse may weaken strength, over time," Szayel said.

Starrk frowned at the black column.

"Your men are quitters!" Grimmjow pointed at the tallest Espada, who peered at the chart, mumbling words he wasn't allowed to in front of the child, who also seemed to be giggling at him from Orihime's lap.

"That's not right," he said in disbelief.

Szayel smiled at them all. "Oh, yes. It wasn't a low count, there were enough, but rather most were dead on arrival. The color represents strength. Now," he looked back to the chart as Nnoitra was left to wallow in humiliation, "about the toxicity factor."

"The what?" Ulquiorra frowned.

Szayel looked to Orihime, who was alternating blanching and blushing. "Our Living donor appears to have a natural tendency to shoot down invaders, so her egg put up quite a defense against, shall we say, foreign matter. Rejection."

Orihime blinked at him, at once wanting to cheer for her team, yet crawl under the table and vomit at the same time.

Szayel continued, smiling at them. "So you are all fathers, in a manner of speaking. Not equally, but the raw material is there."

Starrk decided no one had thought his column through enough to comment, so he grinned. "That's a healthy contribution, I'd say. Told you I was the child's father," he said to Grimmjow.

"Not completely," said the Sexta, eyes going to the small girl on Orihime's lap that was looking back at him. "There's more to fathering something than contributing a black ribbon." He pointed at the chart, seeing the child point at the chart also. He dropped his arm to the table, looking back at Starrk. "Let's see you contribute something that counts. The child prefers me." He grinned. "So does the mother."

Now Starrk turned his attention to Orihime, as did Ulquiorra. "You do?" The Prima gave her a closer study. "Is that true?"

Orihime looked from him to Grimmjow, trying to weigh the outcomes of agreeing or denying.

Ulquiorra touched her arm, making her turn. He was looking at Starrk. "She doesn't have to answer anything. To anyone," he said, glancing to Grimmjow, then Szayel. "This is all enough for one morning. I think it needs to be fed again."

On Orihime's lap the girl had snuggled close to her chest, one small hand reaching for her collar, searching. It took a moment for Orihime to realize what the child was doing. She gently eased the girl away and found a thin cracker from the plate on the table, offering it instead. "Here you go."

The girl took the cracker and munched into it.

"I'd be a better father than any of you," Starrk said, raising an eyebrow at Grimmjow. "I've handled Lilynette all these decades, and she can be childlike for years on end."

"Nnoitra!" Szayel shrieked.

They all looked to where Nnoitra was busying himself under the table.

Orihime covered the child's eyes before she could even quite determine what exactly Nnoitra was busying himself at. Starrk knew. He quickly turned and nearly eclipsed the Living girl's face with a hand, blocking her view of Nnoitra.

"You pervert..." Grimmjow growled at Nnoitra. "You perverted son –"

"I'll show you dead on arrival." Nnoitra gave them all a sharp look, shifting in his chair. "Run _this_, Szayel-san. See what _that_ tells you."

Before Nnoitra could lift the cup he'd had under the table, Ulquiorra stood and pulled Orihime to her feet away from the obscenities about to present and whisked her and the child into the hall.

Orihime didn't look back.

"Not here," Szayel's voice echoed down the hall as she readily left with Ulquiorra. "You had your chance...Don't hand it to me. I don't want it!"

Orihime squeezed her eyes shut, but then opened them as quickly to see where she was going. In her arms the child smiled up at her, one cheek bulging with cracker.

There was a rumble of male voices, a few ceros blown behind her, and then Ulquiorra turned them down another hall as the shouting began.

* * *

**Poll: Who is the best father figure?**


End file.
